I sit down to Project Runway with my wife Edith and our popcorn and (woa!) Ron's one of the contestants.
He's putting the final touches on this blue and green thing that looks just like one of the dresses my mother wore when I was a child and it makes me think The Tree of Life with that retarded Brad Pitt voice over, stars, shadows & dinosaurs.
It makes me think also of the Guns 'n Roses song: "She's got a smile that it seems to me / Reminds me of childhood memories / Where everything / Was as fresh as the bright blue sky."
And I'm tingling now because Ron's just started singing the song and that must mean this is a lucid dream and that I'm in control. That I can make Ron and I rise up together and fly away. That I can make Ron and I do whatever I want. Absolutely whatever.
The T.V. explodes. Ron's in my arms.
A naked newborn baby. But I know it's my Ron because of the way its buttocks are rubbing against my chest.
And Ron, my little baby, has found his way to one of my teats and he looks so cute nursing at me, making such wonderful little noises. I am so content.
But, now he's biting me—And I am bleeding.
He goes at me mercilessly.
I'm outraged—And the pain's excruciating. But I am so damned proud of my Ron. My baby. My little sex and death kitten. My future— And my everything.
I am bleeding, yes, but I am glowing. A proud glowing Mom.